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Back in Portland...

Before I get to anything thing else I have to say that I am such an idiot! Today was the start of new classes and I ended up missing the one I had because I don't know how to tell time, even if it is in 24 hour time. Or I did know how to read it up until today. That among other things makes me want to cry right now. I miss too many things. And my dog. A lot.

Winter break was relaxing and nice, that is when I didn't suffer from the frequent stomach problems that have been occuring for the last few weeks. Break went by way too quickly for me, though it was great being able to see many people that I hadn't seen in a while. I'm really not ready for classes to start yet, and all of the work I'll have to do week by week looks overwhelming. Uh, I am too much of a wreck at the moment.

Not such a great day

Today really sucks, mostly because my roommate just told me that she is moving out this weekend, and that kind of depresses me. I just really wish it didn't have to be this way right now. It's weird because the only reason she is moving out is cause she wants to live alone. I don't understand why she didn't just get a single in the first place. I'm not sure if I'm the kind of person who can handle living completely alone in this time of my life. And of course I had to find out about this on Halloween. Since she is planning on leaving there are a few things that she is taking that I'll have to buy now. Do not like this situation at all. Also it would be nice if she could have mentioned moving out a couple of weeks ago if she knew this is what she wanted to do. *sigh*

I don't care if I have a class soon, I'm going to start drinking now.

Things in Portland

So things have been going rather decently for the last couple of weeks. They've definitely gotten better. My classes aren't bad, but they are intense. Joined an anime club as well. Went to Powell's and explored most of downtown Portland. Last week my roomate her friend and I went to Cape Meares, an small region of the Oregon coast. Even though it was raining I was happy to finally go because I had wanted to visit the coast for a while since it's supposed to be the prettiest region of the entire West coast.

My roomate and I also went to the local pub/bar where they have trivia every Friday night, and even though we lost, we received a hoodie sweatshirt, (which we share custody of) and $13 off food and drinks there. So it was pretty awesome.

Looking forward to seeing Miyavi again on the 23rd in Portland, especially since I found someone to go see him with.

In Portland

I arrived in Portland earlier today. Portland's as nice and pretty as I remembered.It was one of the most tiring days I've experienced in a long time though. I know I should be happy right now, but it's just the opposite. I am glad to have this opportunity to be on my own, but I never imagined that I'd have such a tough time coping away from home and people I'm familar with. It's extremely hard and I wish I didn't feel so sad. I really do like Portland a lot but it's difficult to enjoy when there's no one to share the coolness of it. It's painful feeling this way. Right now I feel like I'm in a bad dream. I really hope I stop feeling this way soon.

Weekend/Sadie

So this past weekend was really fun!! I finally got to see Sadie live and it was an amazing concert. I think it was one of the best I've been to, but I'm probably a little biased since they are one of my favorite bands. However I really want to see them again soon! I spent maybe too much money on merchandise, but it couldn't be helped.^^ There was another shirt of Sadie's that I regret not buying though.

Anyway the live was awesome(I approved of Mao taking off his shirt, and Tsurugi kissing Mao's shoulder) and free! I'm really bummed that I missed Sadie's panel and autograph session, but I think they will come back, since it seemed like they enjoyed the overseas live and the whole experience. So maybe not all is lost.

Also, I had a lot of fun hanging out with Phai-chan and Ethu-chan (she was kind enough to let me stay at her house for two days) and going to the concert with them of course;fun was definitely inevitable. :D

Must see Sadie

Why oh why, Sadie, couldn't you come perform in San Francisco instead of southern California! I guess it's better then not coming to CA at all. Now I have to find a way to get to Anaheim that's not too expensive. There's no way I can miss their performance! Wah!

Had enough

Yeah so I'm done being her friend. I attempted to give her advice(which she won't follow of course)about talking to a neutral party such as a therapist, and I was honest. But now I'm done with all the drama, and I'm done being her stepping stool. I feel bad, but I can't take it anymore and she is really quite burdensome. It sucks cause I was happy today and it was a lovely day until I talked to her. *sighs*

And she tells her friends that I was messed up, but did any of those friends go with her or stay with her? Well I learned my lesson. It will be awkard though cause she's in one of my classes.

Now I know what it feels like to be manipulated and used.

What can I do?

Yesterday, someone left a message on my phone saying I was a bad friend and that she didn't know why she was ever friends with me. This was after I said I couldn't go to a certain place with her. I just really don't know how to deal with her situation, I do care but I can't handle it. I don't even know how to handle lots of things in my own life. All I can do is talk with her but that's it.

But being shouted at and called a bad friend in a voice message is really hurtful, as well as being told that I never cared. I can't believe I started to cry. But maybe she's right cause I can be pretty selfish sometimes, and I probably deserved that. I wish I was a better friend to everyone.

Psycho Parents

Seriously, yelling at me just cause I'm using the internet on my computer. He doesn't even have to yell just cause he has a problem. Psycho parents I swear, I've had enough of both of their bullshit! Also when it comes to them seeing their own behavior, they can never step back and think, "hmm maybe I don't have to act all insane and I can act reasonable and not be so selfih." Don't call me selfish when I'm not the only one who is being that way. And it sucks cause I have to take that crap from them because I live in their stupid house. Some role models you parents are.

I can't get out of here quick enough. How many months was that again? I wanna scream "Fuck you!" to them.

Classes

So it's the third week into classes. I have no shortage of things to stress over or worry about. My communications class freaks me out because yuck, speeches. That's one out of two that I'll be the most stressed about. I need to finish my personal statement this week because it's due next week, at least it will be over with.

Waiting and waiting to hear whether I've been accepted to the first school I applied to. Waiting is the worst part and it's frustrating. Also this stupid weather is making my allergies act up. Very irritating.

Gah I've never wanted a semsemster to go by faster than I want this one to!