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Wow so I guess it's a new record. I've managed to feel like complete shit on Christmas. And it's only a couple hours in. It's hard not to let the comments people say get to me, even though I know they don't mean anything by it. Sometimes I wish they didn't mention anything at all, but it is also my fault too I guess.

Eh, sick

Gahh! I'm sick and it's gonna be finals week and I still have an essay to finish. I really have terrible luck.

Wished I had stayed...elsewhere

So today made me realize how much I hate living in the Bay Area, mostly cause I got to visit Portland and Seattle over the weekend which are both sooooo much better than San Francisco area.
Example A:
The Bay Area and California Has some of the rudest, inconsiderate people on the planet who make others feel as if they don't even exisist, which is the one of the worst things people can do to each other. Portland on the other hand, people recognize others, are polite and friendly towards one another. Bottom line, their generally not assholes. Even Seattle which is a big city too, people are more paitent and polite
Example B:
Both Seattle and Portland have better transportation, cheaper transportation, and certain areas free as well. Portland's is particularly good.
Example C: Different really good food places in both those cities. Plenty of coffee shops, independent bookstores(Portland in particular has one of the biggest bookstores in the world that covers and city block and has mulitple levels) and Portland even has a hot chocolate store that specializes in making different hot chocolate. Also both cities have big music scenes.
Both cities are cleaner, prettier and more enviornmentally friendly. Lot's of diversity. And I certainly know that Portland is a lot safer that SF. Also, oh yeah the weather isn't as retarded as it is here!

So why the hell would I want to live here? When most people here only notice you if they want you to get out of their way. No matter what I definetly have to be out of Califonia in less than a year and away from these fucking people and enviornment. Fuck SF and the Bay Area! Not to say that L.A. and southern California are any better, cause they're not.

Also thanks partially to my ununderstaning mother, I realized that maybe why a lot of people who are depressed aren't that way because of themselves, but because their enviornment and the people around them are poising them and making them think that's it's their fault when it really isn't. So more depressed people should understand that it's not them who is the problem, but there surroundings. I will now take those words to heart.

Lots has passed by

So these past couple of weeks very tiring cause of mid-terms. But I felt that I actually did decently well on them this time. The only class that I'm extremely worried about is my English class. The instructor makes us analyze every aspect of books and poems in the essays to a ridiculous point. I really hope to get through this class, but lately I'm leaving class constantly worried and have this feeling that the instructor doesn't like me much. That is really bothersome.

I'm sort of excited about going to Portland and Seattle in a couple of weeks to visit my top two schools. It will be good to get a chance of knowing what they are like.

Also, I need to rant about how much this society sucks. I really can't take it anymore. People are so individualized, separate, and untrusting of each other that it's sort of sad. I wish I could travel right now and see how other socities in different countries act. Based on what I've heard from other people and read, I doubt they're as individualized as this country's.

Happiness doesn't seem to last than more than a couple of hours at the most.

Very traumatizing

So if I was incredibly afraid of wasps before, then I think I am permently traumatized. I actually thought that I was going to die and I couldn't calm down until after a couple of hours had passed. The wasps just came out of nowhere and stuck to my shirt and a few in my hair. I'm rather surpirsed that I didn't give my self a heart attack. But I learned something new about them, apparently they stay clinged to you so it doesn't matter how far you run.

So now there's much much pain, more like a burning and like someone is sticking needles in my head, got stung on the neck too. I have no idea how many times I was stung but it feels like a lot and my mom had to help get the ones that were in my hair off. And god there was like four in my hair, a couple on my clothing. Now I'm paranoid that more will land on me or something even though I'm inside my house. Maybe I'm making a bigger deal out of this than I should be but, it's just so traumatizing and frighting. I don't wanna go outside anymore.

Day never ended

Well, yesterday was probably one of the longest and most tiring days of my life, but I'm probably just a whip.

So being stuck at airport #1 trying to get home by myself really sucked. When I heard that my first flight was delayed and that I wouldn't make my second flight to SF, since I'm sort of a bady I actually started crying over that. So then the flight agent says that there's no flights available till late Monday morning to SF, but that I should talk to people in Salt Lake City about that. Finally get to Salt Lake to be put on stand by for the last flight to SF. No such luck, so talked to another agent who then gave me a boarding pass for and 8:30 morning flight today, and also got a hotel vouncher. I would have enjoyed having a hotel more if I wasn't completely alone. Then after about maybe four hours of sleep, woke up at six and waited at the airport until I finally got home, only to miss the first day of classes.

Wow it all feels like a dream, and I definetly cannot think straight, and I'm sooo tired in which words cannot describe.


Geh, only one more week till classes start again. Summer went by too fast. It's not fair!! Hopefully in a year I'll be out of this state though.


I really need to move out considering my mother's a cold hearted psychopath. Maybe that's where I get some of my craziness and cold heartness from.

Anime Expo

Anime Expo was of course very fun this year also. But it did seem like there was less to do, or less than I was interested in doing. But I did cosplay as Yuna the first day, and Hibari the second two. I'm glad my Hibari costume was recognizable cause I was worried at first. And I did have the cutest Hibird ever thanks to it's maker.

Anyway bought tons of Reborn fanart, and a little Nana fanart. Have lots of cosplay photos. And yeah L.A. was nice. Back to being really broke, but that's no surprise.

I'm not ready to go back to class tommorrow.

This week

Not much has happened this week. Started an Art History class on Tuesday. It's been a lot more interesting than I thought it would be. I'm actually fascinated learning about the Acient Eygptians, and now I really want to visit the pyramids in Giza, and go to the museum in Cairo.

Got my hair cut on Thursday. Dyed it black on Friday. Went to the Oakland Museum of California yesterday. Just three more days till L.A. and then Anime Expo!